


you can see it all but i feel the pull

by FreshBrains



Series: Femslash Yuletide [1]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Everyone Is Alive, F/F, Femslash Yuletide, Kissing, Mates, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-03
Updated: 2013-12-03
Packaged: 2018-01-03 08:28:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1068272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FreshBrains/pseuds/FreshBrains
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Three years before, she would’ve already had Jennifer melting into her arms, the brown-sugar-coconut smell of her hair folding Kali in like a warm blanket.  She was still having trouble accepting how things had changed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	you can see it all but i feel the pull

**Author's Note:**

> For the [Femslash Yuletide](http://femslashyuletide.tumblr.com/) Day 2 "First Snowfall" prompt.

“Didn’t think you’d show up this time,” Kali said, stepping out from the shadows. The light from the streetlamp cast a sickly orange glow over her face, making her brown eyes glassy and sullen.

Jennifer dug her mitten-clad hands into her coat pocket and wished she could hide her racing heart from Kali’s pin-drop hearing. “Why wouldn’t I? I picked the spot.” She’d pulled a trick she’d seen the teenagers at school use when they thought they were being sneaky—she drew the address on the frost of Kali’s apartment window, knowing it would melt the following morning just after Kali woke up. 

“Because you didn’t show up last year.” Kali’s frame looked thin and tired, so different from the usual strong, muscular silhouette she cast in the dark. Even though it was December, her feet were bare and ready to fight on the icy, wet pavement. She didn’t feel the bite of the cold like Jennifer did.

“I wasn’t ready. The wounds were still fresh.” _Literally_ , she thought bitterly. _Between you and Peter, it took me months to heal_. A young, giggling couple walked down the street and across the mouth of the alley, and Jennifer and Kali both ducked back into the shadows. Jennifer’s coat sleeve brushed against the icy brick wall and she shivered.

“You’re freezing,” Kali said, exasperated, and moved to take off her leather jacket so she could drape it around Jennifer’s shoulders like a devoted girlfriend.

“Don’t you dare,” Jennifer snapped, and Kali slowly shrugged it back on, looking anywhere but in Jennifer’s eyes. “We’re not here to play happy, reunited couple.”

“Then why are we here?” Kali snapped, stung at her spurned show of affection. Three years before, she would’ve already had Jennifer melting into her arms, the brown-sugar-coconut smell of her hair folding Kali in like warm blanket. She was still having trouble accepting how things had changed.

“Because we need to see each other. We still feel it. At least, I do.” Tears glistened in Jennifer’s eyes, and suddenly Kali saw _all_ of her, every part of Jennifer—the tiny smudge of red-pink lipstick on her teeth, the silver glint of the earrings Kali bought her for her birthday six years before, the soft pile of her green knit hat, the scuffs on her sturdy leather boots. She smelled the mint-cocoa lingering on her breath and heard the warm thrum of her heart beneath layers of wool and cotton.

“I do too,” Kali said begrudgingly. _Don’t you dare cry. It’ll kill her_.

“Just a kiss,” Jennifer whispered. “Just one. To last me through the year.” She moved closer to Kali, her body stiff and shivering, and Kali mourned the fact that they used to be so close to each other, always touching and feeling each other’s presence.

“It never ends with just one,” Kali said with a mirthless laugh. But she edged even closer, slow, trying not to scare Jennifer off with the animal threatening to burst through the seams. “Especially with you and I.”

“You and me,” Jennifer corrected softly. 

A flare of anger rushes through Kali’s chest. “You know, you weren’t always this much of an English teacher.” They’re inching closer and closer, enough to share each other’s warmth in the cold alley.

“You weren’t always this much of a monster,” Jennifer bit back, and Kali took the final stride towards Jennifer and wrapped a still-strong arm around her waist, tight and firm. Jennifer didn’t flinch, but her face was soft and hurt, like she was wondering how they got there.

“Yes I was,” Kali said, and closed the final millimeters between them, cutting off the puffs of white that came with their breath. Their bond was practically tangible, steely and cold and dark blue between them, pulling their bodies together.

The kiss was electric, it was mind-numbing. It was just as hot and sweet as every other kiss they’d ever had, but this one was a build-up of everything they’d been going without, everything they had to store inside and internalize all those months.

Kali controlled the kiss, arm still wrapped around Jennifer’s waist as she moved their mouths together, kissing her deep. Jennifer melted into it, body going languid, tongue slick and warm against Kali’s, a reprieve from the cold air. She moaned delicately, half frustrated and half aroused, and Kali pulled her in even closer. They kissed, a hot push-pull of mouths, until their lips were numb and their lungs ached for breath.

“ _My mate_ ,” Kali gasped when they pulled apart with a slick snap, mouths glossy. “I can’t stand this.” Jennifer’s eyes were squeezed shut and she still had that pained look on her face, but her cheeks were flushed with arousal and Kali could smell her wetness, smell it through layers of cold and denim, and she wanted to unwrap Jennifer like a prize. Kali went in for another kiss, sucking Jennifer’s bottom lip, hoping to leave it tender and bruised. She pressed a cold hand to Jennifer’s cheek, and it snapped Jennifer out of the moment. She pulled away from the kiss and backed towards the brick wall, hair mussed beneath her hat.

“I’m not your mate anymore,” Jennifer said quietly, wiping her mouth with the back of her mitten.

But she was, Kali knew it, felt it. They both felt it, they already admitted it. But Kali knew they could never go back.

Jennifer stepped out of the alleyway, pulling her coat lapels high over her cheeks as she glanced around. “I’ll see you next year.” She started across the street.

As she stood alone, Kali felt something cold land on her cheek and she brushed it away, wondering if she’d started crying without even noticing. But before she could check, she heard Jennifer call out from across the street.

“It’s snowing, Kali.” Not happy or sad, just stating a fact. She turned around on the sidewalk, hands back in her pockets, looking at Kali like she wanted to run back into her arms.

“First time this year,” Kali answered, voice just as flat. A few snowflakes lingered in Jennifer’s curls, and Kali’s heart ached wildly for her.

Jennifer nodded, and looked down the street, face bathed in opalescent moonlight. “Maybe it’s about time you bought some shoes.” She turned around again and left before Kali could respond, leaving a trail of her scent in the night air.

Kali stood for alone for a few moments before zipping her jacket and leaving in the opposite direction, wiping snowflakes off her cheeks and eyelashes.

**Author's Note:**

> Title from "Snowshakes" by Nicole Atkins


End file.
